Venus, Part I.

To be very straightforward, it took me a couple of weeks to process the intensity of the rituals and their results, actually longer than I had expected to do so. Many things happened during those days and the aftermath of my workings is still unfolding itself in front of my eyes. Interestingly enough I came to stop writing right before the Venus part. If I observe this fact in hindsight it does make sense. I recently became part of a group that is working with energies correlating at least on the surface with Venus. What is under this surface is a totally different story though and actually it will show itself in my account of the visions I had before I became part of that group. So let’s dive into Venus. 

After setting up everything as I used to in my previous workings I enter my state of meditation with the simplest question: What is the most important thing I should learn from you? I’m not asking the planetary energies for anything specific, I’m not looking for trophies. Just keeping it plain and simple. 

An image reveals itself. A veiled woman. I am dancing while first terrifying wooden masks appear in front of me, then rocks with painted figures on them, only slightly resembling human forms. There’s the scent of perfume in the air. I see my own nude portraits taken by a photographer last December. I feel silk between my fingers that turn into my own creative work with needle and wool. The images fade and I close the gates. 

On the second night everything feels intense. I make an offering by dancing in the temple space as I ask her: How can I learn to use my Venusian part? I receive a pretty straightforward answer in the dream that visits me that night. One sentence: ‘Feed the lion.’

The third night takes up more time than the other two did. I enter meditation with the same question I had on the first night because I still think I am here to learn and not to demand. 

In my vision I am standing in a great hall carved of stone crowded with beautiful women. In front of me there is a huge throne of dark granite flanked by two pillars. At the very first glance I only see the woman sitting on the throne covered by a half see-through red veil that reveals enough of her features to perceive her nudity. She doesn’t show her face though, that part of the veil is denser than the rest. A crown sits upon her head, keeping the veil in place. With its sharp pikes it instantly reminds me of Saturn’s crown. The air is heavily perfumed, music is playing in a distance, laughter arising here and there. Only women are allowed to join here. The Red Queen is sitting on her throne, feeling entirely comfortable. She has one of her legs on the armrest of her throne and exposes her vagina openly. She is relaxed, strong, natural and impressive. 

I find myself on my knees before her throne because of the sheer intensity of the vision, it is a physical challenge to endure it. This way my attention is drawn to the base of the two pillars that flank the Queen’s throne. One is black, the other is white, just as in the second card of the Major Arcana. But where has the High Priestess gone? She is on all fours in front of the throne of the Queen who uses her as a footstool for her second leg. 

As I try to get closer to the scenery the Queen rises and takes a few steps to reach my position. She is incredibly tall. Suddenly her veil is over me, she gently drags me onto my feet and accompanies me to a door in the background somewhere behind the throne. Vision fades and I close. 

This third night brings me deep sleep without any dreams to remember. As I am writing these lines I can still feel the intensity of this vision deeply in my heart. Flesh, Body, The Red Queen, by whatever name you call her, she rests upon intuition. She relies upon intuition. Our instincts, our sex, our fears, our revelations, our initiations take place after the outer glamour vanishes, the rawness is exposed without beautifying anything, the old structures are tossed from their thrones but built upon at the same time.

If you feel the crushing weight of beautiful terror and still can be a witness then a door opens up. 

Saturn, Part I.

As I promised I’d like to provide an account of my six days of my working with Saturn here in this blog. Please bear in mind that this is a very intuitive, highly personal working and the paths of each one of us differ in many aspects.

First a few words about the structure of my ritual. I have put together a planetary ritual consisting of pieces of classical ceremonial magick and combined them with my more intuitive daily practice which I have written a blog post about last year. I don’t dress my altar up too elaborately, it is only decorated with basics. My main focus is on the inner vision in these workings because my intuition calling me was the starting point of all.

After a basic clearing of the space I call upon the planetary energy of Saturn on that Saturday night maybe an hour before midnight. After that I go into a deep meditation and try to take in whatever comes to me from The Lord of Time. And he’s eager to present himself in an image that could be confused with an elemental of earth regarding density and structure if it wasn’t for its very different energy. He appears as a being made of lava rock, black but in a certain way that seems to eat up the light around it. Having a vaguely humanoid form it is literally made of sharp spikes of pitch black lava rock. He seems to welcome my visit and we ‘talk’ in images relating to loss and death. It doesn’t hurt or irritate though, it just feels like a very ‘normal’ conversation. I tell him I have learnt my lesson with my disc protrusion (as he also presides over issues with bones) and ask him to take back the dead (as I am pretty sure that my problems relate to the deaths of certain family members and my feelings about them). He seems to be a bit amused about my petition. Thanking for his time I part in vision and close my ritual space.

That night I have a dream about me being in the hospital – a liminal space that I can be considered as one with a Saturnian quality pretty easily. Apparently I have the Coronavirus but I don’t feel sick at all. Waiting for something to happen suddenly I look at my palms and find a red sigil written into them. They are the same on both sides, a sequence of parallel short red lines forming almost a full circle but open towards the thumbs. I wake up and look immediately at my palms which I can’t quite believe are clear of anything.

Over the next day everything I do feels loaded with weight. Every move or thought requires energy that it usually wouldn’t. I feel like personified lead. The ritual in the evening has the same structure but gives me totally different images during the part where meditation and communion occur. I see an image of myself as a Queen in the tradition of Saturn clothed in a dress made of some heavy dark green and black fabric like brocade or velvet, styled elaborately around my rather tiny frame. I look at my face which seems to be paler as usual and wonder how my expression could have gotten that hard. But the thing that catches my attention most is the crown. It seems to be made out of the same material as the representation of Saturn was the night before, the same pitch black lava rock with spikes shaped into a crown with little skulls around it and huge spikes pointing to the sky. Six black ribbons made of velvet are hanging down from the crown mingling with my hair. I am sitting on a throne made of thousands of years old grey stone which has been carved directly out of some rock. Watching the Queen with my face – who I suppose might be the inner representation of my Saturnian qualities – I feel distance and connection at the same time. After some time I leave and close the ritual space.

The third night I ask for something specific, for the discipline and strength of being able to transform scars and injuries into something beautiful. During the meditation and communion I receive two images. One is myself sitting at a desk, my heart open and a liquid pouring out of it directly into a pen I’m holding tightly in my hand. I’m writing words with that pen and that liquid. The second image is a lake. I seem to be under the surface waiting for something to happen without any issues of breathing. Suddenly a huge rock is thrown into the water out of nowhere, it is unforgiving, hard, immovable and turns into a being of the same quality. However, the water around it starts to form tiny currents and a second being emerges which is a watery one. They seem to encircle each other. I’m drawn into the watery being and feel how the rock gets shaped after some time. I close the ritual space after this image and fall into bed.